Onpoint Coaching

Struck by Living

This week I was struck by an incredibly gifted writer and survivor of depression.

Julie Hersh spoke at Legacy Books in Plano TX,  and I went on a friend’s suggestion that I hear her after reading the book by the same name. http://www.struckbyliving.org/content/  Julie had so much wisdom to share for everyone,  even if you or your loved ones are not suffering from depression.  Some facts: More people aged 18-35 die from suicide than HIV/Aids, yet we fail to educate our teens about mental health. Her book is powerful and I highly recommend it.  At the book signing, Julie gave great suggestions on building a strong support network and learning what you need as an individual need to be healthy, both physically and mentally. Everyone is different and need to find the best solutions for themselves.

As an executive  coach, I help people get new perspectives on their issues. Many folks get so wrapped up in their work and home issues, that they can’t see any way out. Taking on a new perspective can really help. Julie suggested reaching out and cultivating friends who are 20 years older than yourself. They will bring wisdom and perspective to you which your own group of friends simply cannot. Maybe that is why kids suddenly feel their uncles and aunts are “cool”, and when you reach middle age, you see your parents and their struggles with a new appreciation. Time and space do help.

So, learn about mental health for yourself, and your loved ones sake. Also, gain new perspectives to solve difficult problems.

Going Slow To Go Fast

Sometimes a slow pace can be downright infuriating. In our instant-solution, instant-communication society, many love to drive fast, walk fast, talk fast, and act fast. But as a leader, taking the time to proceed more slowly can sometimes be the secret to being more effective.  In any leadership role, there's a choice to make: jump to the answer alone and save time (which may entail facing roadblocks in the future), or take the time and effort required to bring the team along, so that they are more efficient and can get the job completed. 

In order to build relationships, a leader must ensure that his/her people are on board. Leaders must get to know their team members and learn their motivations. An effective leader explains the vision, the reasons for action and their people’s roles in that plan or initiative. Great leaders seek to win the hearts and minds of their constituents; although this takes time and it does slow them down, paradoxically, without going slow, the team cannot execute fast.  

As an example, I am a member of our home owners association landscape committee. Last year the committee had great intentions, but then jumped in too quickly, without consulting any experts, had a short term approach, got mired in the details. They executed on a few things, but did not look at the bigger long term effects of their decisions.  They needed to slow down, gain consensus, and get necessary stakeholders on board with a master plan, all of which was necessary to go fast later.

Sometimes a 'going fast' approach will work, i.e. making a quick and dirty fix to a problem, or cutting corners when necessary. For example, sometimes a software patch is all that is needed vs. a complete rewrite, feeding the kids what's on hand vs. creating an entire meal from scratch, or charging ahead in an emergency situation with a less than elegant solution to plugging the hole. But when it comes to leadership, the speed of execution is about being effective, credible, patient and willing to listen to all the options, and helping each member of the team define his/her desired outcome in order to gain buy-in and commitment.

When starting a running regimen, you train your body at a slow pace in the beginning to prevent injuries, and then increase your distance gradually so that you can speed up the pace on a conditioned body that is injury-free. Similarly, taking a project in small steps will help the team get on board. This means getting their true commitment to the plan vs. simple compliance to your wishes.

Even though going slow can be infuriating at times, working effectively with others often requires 'going slow to go fast.'

Ever get stuck? Know someone who is stuck?

Could be stuck in the job, a relationship, stuck on a project with no clear path through?

Susan Stageman, a master practitioner in NLP, taught me the steps to help someone get unstuck.

1. Discuss the issue with them. Then state, “It sounds like or looks like you are confused about (name what it is.)"
2. Ask them, “What part of (it, the problem the situation) are you clear on?”
3. Then ask, “ What is confusing about (it)?"
4. Ask them “ What is missing?” or, “What parts are missing from the puzzle?”
5. They will tell you and then you will discuss the parts that are missing from the view or parts missing from the puzzle. Then ask, “What are you curious about?”
6. Once they tell you what is missing, their mind will start connecting things and it should be easy for them to tell you one or 2 things they are curious about, or that they don’t know but need/want to know about the situation.
7. Then you will ask, “What is clear to you now?”

This process is called “Stuck to Clear” and it is a useful tool for helping others get clear on any issue.